Even in regressive parts of the world, a married couple lives nuclear. So then, why are us Indians so hell bent on joint families

Not living in a joint family after marriage doesn't mean that the couple doesn't respect its elders. Photo Courtesy: YouTube/ Somya2U

When I tied the knot a couple of months ago, my husband and I were constantly quizzed whether we would live in a joint family or move out of his parent's home. Though, it really is none of anyone's business, but almost everybody we knew was interested in our living situation. It is then that I realized that India is a country obsessed with joint families--sometimes in the name tradition and culture.  

The constant debate on should couples live separately from the families after marriage is a never ending one. Try discussing it with a group of friends and you would get flooded with a plethora of opinions. Though, the younger lot is eager to explore the marital ties away from the constant vigilance of a joint family; the seniors, however, look at the institution of nuclear families with distaste.

Some even call it an influence of the West, which is totally wrong. If you think it's just the 'westernized' countries that are completely fine with married couples living separately from their parents, then you are highly mistaken. How can I say this with such conviction?

Well, years ago, I was pretty interested in exploring more about the Middle East. And well, what better way is there to know more about a culture than to read about it. So, I surrounded myself with biographies and autobiographies of women from the Middle East. To name a few: the Princess series, Mayada, Not Without My Daughter, For The Love of A Son, and many more. All of them are heart-wrenching stories of courageous women from Saudi Arabia, Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, and Palestine. Now, it's hard to miss that most of these countries are pretty regressive when it comes to women. Hell, Saudi Arabia doesn't even give the right to drive to its women citizens. However, I noticed one similarity in all these life stories.

The women, in all these countries, after getting married lived in a nuclear family set-up, without anyone weeping over it. In fact, to me it looked like a norm and that sure is pretty surprising. When countries that are particularly hard on women okay with the concept of a nuclear family, then why can't a progressive nation like ours catch up?

Really, why is a couple trying to navigate the path of a married life alone, so frowned upon? Does living away from your parents mean that you don't love or respect them? Not at all, right? Because if that's the case, then kids should not move out of their homes at all--not for education, not for better professional opportunities, and not for a meaty chance to live abroad.

If moving out under such conditions are deemed to be okay, then why does the society have a problem with couples choosing to live separately from their families after getting hitched?

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