I get 'happy fat' when I am in love. I am never getting into a relationship again
Because I dread the bulge more than I dread the possibility of him turning out to be a cheater.
You know what happens to most happy couples when their eyes meet, when they hold hands, when their hearts literally start beating in sync? Well, all these 'fusion' activities make normal people fall deeper in love with each other. But for me the concept of two souls becoming one also means two sizes becoming one. I mean obviously, if the hearts are in sync, so are the stomachs, right?
So when I start dating, mine and my partner's 'fused' stomachs make us both eat doubly, and hence gain weight like never before.
It Seems Like Team Work, But It Is One-Sided
Even though I'd love for the weight gain to be a shared responsibility between me and my partner, but thanks to my turtle-slow metabolism and a tendency to gain weight at the speed of light, all those first week, first month, first year, first eye contact, first hand holding, first kiss, first burp, first hiccup anniversary celebrations particularly affect me. It's almost like taking a bullet for my partner, quite literally because I gain weight on his behalf as well.
Also read: World's last male white northern rhino joins Tinder; I would much rather date him than human males.
It's Not Like I'm Paranoid For No Rhyme or Reason
My paranoia isn't baseless, even science backs my claim. According to a study published in Science Daily, married couples weigh significantly more than singles. In my case, however, marriage isn't even a prerequisite to gain that kind of weight. Simply because of the over-excitement of celebrating--the above mentioned countless anniversaries along with satisfying the uncontrollable initial urge to see your partner at the rate of 20 meetings per hour--at a restaurant, almost always.
Needless to say, those celebrations are incomplete without cheesy pastas and exotic desserts. No, salad isn't even on the list--ever.
Perhaps, I Just Can't Contain The Happiness Of Being In Love
So, the happiness translates into a bulge around the tummy or just a 2-inch addiction to the very generous 40-inch circumference of my derrière.
May be, God chooses to be partial and sexist at times and answers men's prayers of having a girl with a huge behind instead of giving women the body of their dreams without having to give up on potato chips.
But science says, it happens because with that 'in a relationship' tag comes some security, of course only if you're lucky enough to find a guy, who can make you feel that way. So, that feeling of 'now having someone who loves me for what I am' and being 'off the market' can decrease those superficial motivations of staying in shape.
I kid you not, that's actually true. That's the beauty of love, you know. On second thoughts, you won't even get to know when your dance classes turns into movie dates and your gym time turns into Netflix-and-chill-time beside him.
The After-Effects Aren't Any Better
Well, if you think the Netflix and chill theory burns calories in the end, then think about the hunger pangs post that chilling session. Those post-chilling pizzas more than make up for the burnt calories. But that's not exactly the after-effect I'm talking about.
All relationships have highs and lows. However, what's common between these ups and downs is--food. Happy? Go out and celebrate over junk. Sad? Finish that tub of ice-cream all by yourself and regret later.
So isn't it better to stay single and stay in shape?