10 mantras for a better sex life!

If 80 is the new 50, then 50 must be the new 30. No, it's not a math lesson but what a large number of urban women seem to be thinking.

The growing queues in front of designer shops and med spas that offer nips, tucks and lasers for chin hair bear testimony to the fact that as we get older we are looking better than ever before. But here's something I don't get: surely the plan is not to meekly go to the grave with a trim body.

Obviously the agenda is to continue to be attractive, especially to men while simultaneously seeking affirmation of one's feminity? Yet too many of us still continue to get boxed in within prescribed parameters that are dictated by age and society. At no time do we need a reaffirmation of identity, reintegration of our self-image and graceful acceptance of normal changes accompanying the ageing process than when we are about to hit the big 50. In the past it was assumed that women would automatically retire from an active sexual life when they became menopausal.

Things are not much different now: sex today is identified with taut bodies and reproduction. That a person can seek an active sex life even if they are ageing is seen as repugnant, slightly weird. As we age we are supposed to turn asexual and lose all interest in sex!

I think that's rubbish. While it's true that the frequency and ability to perform generally decreases with age, reports show that a majority of men and women between the ages of 50 and 80 are still enthusiastic about sex and intimacy. There have been lots of studies to prove that having a good and steady sex life brings more happiness, increases lifespan, relieves stress and depression and keeps you fit. So what does one do to keep it going?

1. Sexuality is a state of mind. If the mind is willing, the body will perform!

2. Feeling sexy is a delicate balance of emotional and physical issues. Being fit and healthy is as important as the gracious acceptance of the ageing process.

3. Don't let the youth brigade stress you out. Sexuality is in your head and to have a good sex life you need to feel beautiful within. 4. Sex is not only about penetration. Despite the wrinkles and greying hair, you are still sexy inside. It's about feeling good, wanted and loved.

5. Get physical. Yes, Indian men are not very tactile, but learn to touch and caress; hug and kiss. Just the physical proximity will give you a sense of well-being.

6. Communication is king. Now that you are older, you should be comfortable enough to discuss your sexual preferences as well as your fantasies with your partner.

7. Older means freer-so be flexible-mentally. Experiment, be spontaneous and forget all the rigid rules of the past.

8. Be patient and savour the sex. As you get older it takes longer! So, linger, explore and rejoice.

9. Pay attention to your partner's needs. The more you give the more you will receive.

10. Accept slowing down. If it doesn't quite happen as you expect it to, it's ok. Everyone but everyone has had an encounter with lackadaisical libidos. Always remember that sex is good. Even when it's bad it's good!

Sandhya Mulchandani has worked in the print media for several years and continues to write on health and travel. She has authored several books, which include The Indian Man, Kamasutra for Women, Love and Lust and An Anthology of Erotic Literature in India. She is currently working on a two volume translation from medieval Sanskrit texts.