Friends with benefits

Casual sex between two close friends-good idea or disaster-in-the-making? mars and venus battle it out.

Sayan C
I don't get it when people say 'friends with benefits' is a bad idea. You get to have a friend. And sex. Each of these is individually a good thing. Put them together and do the math.

Of course it's risky, and you might end up losing both the friend and the sex. But that's a risk you take in any situation involving sex. Marriage-it's the exact same risk, isn't it? Except that in an FWB situation you know the potential fallout going in, and you don't necessarily build your life around it.

It's the shallow end of the relationship pool, as opposed to the depths of a committed relationship-and the ocean of marriage. Yes, there were a couple of movies over the last few years where actors got into FWB situations and then felt sad. But how often do you build your life around the values given to you by Hollywood? Please don't watch superhero movies, if that's the case.

-Sayan is an argumentative Indian

His Rebuttal
Can I keep a hold on my feelings? If I can't, then I'll ask for more. Will I feel terrible if she falls for someone else? Entirely possible. But at that point it's already stopped being a friends-with-benefits relationship, hasn't it? This debate ends the moment romantic love, unrequited or otherwise, enters the equation, because the whole playing field shifts.

Look, I've been brought up conventionally and I don't think friends-with-benefits is a long-term thing. But isn't that the whole point of it? And if we are talking long-term, don't the most successful marriages eventually end up being happy friends-with-benefits relationships? What is a successful alternative, a lifetime spent in the first blush of romance? I think that's an amazing idea, but I think you're likelier, in this life, to have a happy friends-with-benefits equation.

Also, the moment you have sex with someone, you've made a decision to let yourself in for some degree of hurt down the line. How deeply you feel it, how you deal with it and what your eventual relationship is with your partner are questions only time can answer. I think it's far more intelligent to find happiness any way you can, with whomever you can, without being prejudiced against any particular way. Also, you get to have sex. Keep that in mind.

Rajyasree Sen
To do or not to do? That is the omnipresent question while weighing the options of whether or not to make our best friends more than just a shoulder to cry on.

So why are people more cautious while scoping out their friends as possible partners? If you've watched the Justin Timberlake-Mila Kunis starrer Friends with Benefits, one wouldn't blame you for staying far away from indulging in a little slap-and-tickle with your best bud, though. Usually, the fact that someone understands you as well as your friend does is enough stimuli for attraction to make you at least consider moving on from playing football with each other to footsie.

I know way too many pairs of buddies who've taken the plunge and none of them seem the worse for wear. But can you keep a hold on your feelings? Otherwise whenever your bud falls for someone else, you're likely to commit hara kiri.

-Rajyasree is an erstwhile restaurateur and unsolicited opinion giver

Her Rebuttal
The problem arises when either of you starts expecting a little more than what's on offer. What's likely to happen though, is that you'll morph from fun-friend who's really good in bed, to clingy strangely lovesick former friend. And you can kiss your friendship goodbye.

And don't think that just because the other person happens to be your best buddy, he or she will realise how you feel instinctively. Unless, of course, you two possess ESP. So if there's a change of heart and you want to take things a step forward and not just relegate your 'relationship' to the bedroom, spell it out. For all you know, even your buddy wants to be more romantically involved with you, but doesn't think you feel the same way. And if not, you'll at least clear the air and know whether to call it a day, have your last roll in the hay and move on or not. So if you must plunge into a friends-with-benefits routine, try and keep a hold on your heart.