Intimacy now: How open up sexually to a new partner

I am out of a long monogamous relationship. How do I open up to a new person sexually?- Meena T, 45, HYDERABAD

Having been in a monogamous relationship earlier does not necessarily have anything to do with being sexual with someone else now, whether it be a one-time or longer-term affair. Each sexual relationship is unique, as is each person, so set aside any baggage from the past that you may be carrying.

If your question has to do with being open to finding a new sexual partner, well then, just get on with it. We all give off signals of 'availability' or 'non-availability' in the way that we interact with other people. There are some people who go around with 'Keep off!' written all over them. You don't want to go the other extreme either. People who are desperate for a partner also give off vibes that drive others away. Just be open, relaxed, interested in others, meet more people, and exude a warm and friendly vibe. Put the word out-let your friends know that you are feeling ready to 'meet someone'.

And if you have met that 'someone', be attentive to any signs of reciprocal interest and let your feelings and desires guide you to the next step. Stay in the present and focus on what is happening between the two of you, not on some script running in your head. Sometimes we are afraid of opening ourselves (literally and metaphorically) to a new person because we fear making ourselves emotionally vulnerable. But, in fact, we are opening ourselves to the possibility of new experiences of joys and pleasures of the body, the mind and the heart. Grant yourself the freedom to enjoy these gifts. And while you are doing that, don't forget to use safer sex techniques-you want a new sexual partner, not an infection or an unplanned pregnancy-keep those condoms handy.