How to handle a cheating partner

Cheating is so common in our society today that everyone has a take on it. It is, however a very different ballgame when you are the one facing it. Many people do not understand the nature of cheating within a relationship. Although there may be two sides to the story, unfaithfulness is not acceptable and is emotionally harmful to the other partner.

How to go about it
The person who cheats doesn't easily fit into any one mould. There are many categories to a cheating partner; those who will cheat once, feel badly about it and never repeat their mistake. Some will continue the cheating pattern again and again until they are caught. Others make a lifestyle out of being unfaithful. If you need to know how to handle a cheating partner, you must first decide how likely it is that they will repeat the same behavior. Then you have to think about whether you trust them enough to take their word for it, when they say they are 'sorry'. You must work hard to build trust that has been damaged.

Consider the sincerity of the person who betrayed you when they ask for reconciliation. You cannot go to them; they have to come to you. Once they do, you have to be sure it will not happen again. Unless you know your partner very well and are sure of the fact that they will take their actions into account and will genuinely be sorry, you will probably not be able to reassure yourself that it was a one-time event. If you can get past this, move the spotlight on yourself.

The most important part is that you should be assured that you can live with the knowledge of your partner's betrayal in your relationship before you go any further. No one expects you to forget, but you have to be willing to forgive. Otherwise, your relationship may turn into a vicious cycle of mistrust, revenge and unspoken hate. If you say you will forgive, you have to mean it. Nevertheless, before you do, be sure that your partner understands the kind of irreversible damage they have committed.

After this, you can begin to mend the relationship. It's like going back to the square one. You have to be sure the conditions that may have caused or allowed for the betrayal are eradicated from your relationship. For example, the person who your partner cheated with has to be out of the picture. No friendship, no once in a while gatherings, no contact whatsoever. Your partner needs to go that extra mile to make you feel secure and strong in the relationship again.

Dig deeper into the issues. Instead of staring at Internet porn or giving into any kind of blame game, the root cause of the problem has to be discovered, discussed and dealt with. Things between you and your partner will never be the same again, but with a little work, it can still be good. You have to be able to talk about the whole thing and see it for what it was and why it happened. Once that talk is over, do not bring that up again and with the love that remains, try and start a new future together.

What to do
The best kind of reconciliation is where the cheater admits to it. People who confess without having been caught or even suspected are unlikely to repeat their mistake. It might take a bit of prodding to discover the reason for their unfaithfulness, however, in most cases it's because they were completely frustrated with their life. In that case, go to a counsellor and seek help to mend the bond.

It's easy to believe that the person who cheats, cheats themselves more than anyone else by losing the ability to enjoy a meaningful relationship. But in reality, it is the cheater who leaves ruined lives in their wake. Whether it is the children who end up in a broken home or the partner who is left emotionally destroyed, it is always someone else who pays for the cheating mate's act.

If your partner has a history of cheating on you, and you seem to believe that their 'remorse' is not real, don't kid yourself. You know that this partner has very little respect for you and is likely to continue with their unfaithful act believeing they wont get caught by you again.

Warnings signs
Some reconciliation involves people who cheat for absolutely selfish reasons. They may justify their actions with psychobabble, but its a known fact that habitual cheaters emotionally destroy many partners. They break families apart and go through many other relationships before stopping or simply running out of steam. These are nightmare partners that everyone should try to recognize and take extra caution to avoid.

Unfortunately, these partners are extremely effective at deception and appear very desirable and charming and thus it is no surprise then that these people are the hardest to walk away from.