9 tips to tackle conflicts with ease

A good relationship is not where you don't have arguments - it is about how you resolve disagreements. GH columnists share the three rules they follow to handle conflicts.

Talk About It

For the longest time I used to avoid dealing with conflicts. My standard practice would be to sweep them under the carpet by changing the subject. But I am a convert now. These days I set the whole thing up - choose an appropriate place, make sure the timing is right and talk it out, till resolved.

Don't Manipulate

I try not to force the other person into accepting my point of view and make an effort to see his/her side of things. I analyse my reaction: Do I sound angry or argumentative? It is important that you stay on the topic - if any other issue comes up, just say, 'We can discuss that later - let's resolve this particular matter now'.

Negotiate

Rather than getting things done my way, I choose the middle path. For this you need to negotiate - meet the other person half way. If the other person feels you are being reasonable, chances are that he/she will listen to what you have to say.

Self Awareness

At the onset of any conflict, negative emotions take over - we become rigid, defensive and even vindictive. I always try to keep such emotions in control. I become careful about the words I use and my body language and refrain from saying or doing things that may cause irreparable damage.

Listen And Empathise

Understanding another person's point of view is vital to resolve a conflict. Here, by "understanding" I don't mean you agree to his thoughts or attitude; I mean empathy. This I do by listening without bias and separating my emotions from what he/she has to say.

Apologise

When you apologise, it doesn't mean you accept or agree with the other person's opinion. For me, a "sorry" is a genuine acceptance and expression of putting your relationship with the person above the arguments and misunderstandings.

Don't Judge

I make sure I listen to the other person's viewpoint without judging or contradicting (for the heck of it). Yes, it is tough when the emotions are running high, but it is worth a try.

Step Into Their Shoes

I remind myself that people are doing the best they can under the circumstances - this thought can be very liberating. It helps me understand their perspective and even forgive their hurtful behaviour.

Mindfulness

If I control my emotions and avoid knee-jerk reactions, the other person responds in a similar manner. So, I don't get carried away by thoughts such as - 'She is so difficult', 'He is always so insensitive'. I stay mindful.