10 signs that your partner is cheating

Your gut feeling is never wrong. Let's begin with the most important sign of all without beating about the bush. We will come to the nine others later. If you think there's something wrong or unusual about the way your partner's behaving, be sure that there's a reason for it. Now it depends on you to find out whether it's because of another woman or not. But 98 per cent of the time your worst fears will be proven right. Counsellors, authors, self- appointed- experts on relationships, women's magazines and the most important person in the equation, the wife, have agreed on this point universally. There's nothing Indian, American or European about it.

Lies, damned lies
There's no such thing as a sudden meeting in office or an impromptu overseas trip, especially if your husband's work profile did not entail all this even a couple of months before.

A guilty mind is always a little too conscious. So if you find that your partner is talking about the trip and the itinerary a little too much as if trying to convince you that it's the most important thing happening in his life, you should start seeing things a little differently. The lies generally begin in the small dayto- day things, like sudden trips to supermarkets - it may well be the time he needs to talk to the other woman.

Tied to the phone
Call it the boon of technological advancement. It probably would have taken about a year to figure out your hubby's cheating on you about a decade or two earlier, but now it takes probably months or just weeks for you to get the true picture.

If it's a passionate affair, and not some flimsy onenight stand, the eagerness of the two lovers get the better of their judgment. They start texting and spending far too much time on their phone than they ever should. And when they get that call, they walk out of the room where you are - either because the "connectivity is poor", or because he doesn't want to disturb your sleep. Yes, these calls are mostly attended to late in the evening or afternoons.

Feel the distance?
Is he refusing to go out for family outings or staying too long away from home all of a sudden? Deepti Khanna, a sales executive with an airlines, started having doubts when her husband who was a "lazy bum" suddenly became this active man who didn't enjoy spending his evenings holed up in his living room staring at the TV. "He would go to the gym, then meet friends almost every day, and come home pretty late at night. And it was a side of him that I hadn't seen earlier." Her doubts were all proven right within a span of six months.

No more sex
Most psychiatrists agree to the fact that as soon as a man starts sleeping with another woman his interest in his regular partner diminishes. You will obviously notice this difference very soon. Headaches or stress can be factors to kill sexual urges - everything will irritate him, and you may end up arguing violently.

These arguments mostly make him feel less guilty about looking for love outside the marriage.

Aarti Mishra, who divorced her husband after putting up with his indiscretions for almost five years, says, "That's the saddest part. He almost made me believe that our marriage was falling apart because of my nagging and nit- picking ways, all the while completely keeping his affair under wraps." It took her a long time to understand he was straying because she thought arguing about silly things was a part of every marriage. "Not if it's the arguments you remember more than time spent together," says Mishra.
Friends don't lie
You husband may have become quite an expert at fooling you, but his friends cannot look you in the eye and lie. Confront them, and their reactions will almost confirm your suspicions if there's a genuine cause to worry. Common friends, the ones who have their loyalties divided, are the ones to trust the most in such cases. But even your husband's guy pals could give it all away simply because their eyes can't lie to you for long.

Gushing about her
These are cases where a small infatuation turns into an affair eventually. It all begins with "she did that" and "she did this" to the point that a conversation that includes the woman becomes a regular subject of discussion. You talk about someone that much only when she's on your mind most of the time. Time to meet that woman, that's for sure.

Easily offended
Another easy sign of your man straying is when he suddenly begins to take all the accusations you hurl against him, even jokingly, far too seriously. The guilt factor's working overtime in his mind and he just can't take you looking at him too closely. Another factor could be because since the new woman in his life finds no fault with his personality, he has become overconfident of himself, and too critical of you.

Criticises you
This point is connected to the one above. He will have far less patience to deal with his own shortcomings and blame everything on you. From your cooking, to how you run the house - - everything will irritate him, and you may end up arguing violently.

These arguments mostly make him feel less guilty about looking for love outside the marriage.

Aarti Mishra, who divorced her husband after putting up with his indiscretions for almost five years, says, "That's the saddest part. He almost made me believe that our marriage was falling apart because of my nagging and nit- picking ways, all the while completely keeping his affair under wraps." It took her a long time to understand he was straying because she thought arguing about silly things was a part of every marriage. "Not if it's the arguments you remember more than time spent together," says Mishra.

Throwing ultimatums
If simple arguments about dayto- day activities are leading to him calling it quits, it's got more to do with immediate feelings of frustration. It's probably a Far too many SMSes is one of the biggest signs that something is wrong somewhere. Thank the advances of technology for making a few things - and emotions - more transparent than ever.

rehearsed act or something that he's been trying to tell you for a while. Instead of being angry and paving the way for an easy exit, search for the right reason, and then take your call.

You can read the signs right about being cheated upon even if you do not find the answer to why men cheat. Books have been written and cups of coffee wasted over finding an answer to that, but no one's suceeded yet. Yours truly had once asked a beau about why men cheated? The thing is he was as cluless as I was - but he did agree: "Yes, a man is as faithful as the options around him." I give him full marks for honesty.

No. I'm not with him anymore. When a lazy bum of a husband suddenly gets the energy to pump iron and go out to meet friends far too often it's not due to an energy drink or the healthy dinner spread you put out.

Far too many SMSes is one of the biggest signs that something is wrong somewhere. Thank the advances of technology for making a few things - and emotions - more transparent than ever.