Dear nice girls, it's not him--it's YOU

Don't let your niceness hamper your love life. Photo: Shutterstock/Indiapictures

Once upon a time you were the girl who cared too much, tried too hard, and loved too deeply. And then-s**t happened! Yes nice girl, you did everything humanly possible to please the one you loved: cooked for him, listened to him, prioritized him, gave him all the time and attention in the world, even relinquished your own happiness for him. Yet, now, you are standing here-feeling abandoned and lost.

Don't lose heart just yet because it's never too late to mend your ways. Read on to find out Delhi-based psychologist, Dr Shivani Misri Sadhoo's advice on how you can fix this problem.

Dear Nice Girl, You Are a Friend Indeed! (Quite Literally)
"But where are all the nice girls?", he exclaims. Well, Mr.Blockhead (or block-heart maybe), for starters, you threw the "nice girl" in the most dreaded place in the history of mankind-the friend-zone. Why? Simply because--she was too nice. "Usually, a nice girl is far from being experimental, rebellious, or hard to get--the traits that today's urban youth identifies as factors of sex appeal. Hence, they are easily friend-zoned", explains Sadhoo.

"But Why? Where Did I Go Wrong?"
We bet this question echoes in your head all the time. Well, we hate to break it to you ladies, but this is exactly where you went wrong-you put HIM first, letting your own emotions take a back seat just to be by his side, hoping for him to love you back the same way.

Go to the Root of the Problem
It is important to analyse if you are naturally shy and introvert, or does your 'nice' behaviour culminate from your childhood experiences. "Maybe you were conditioned to treat your partner a certain way by your parents or by the society or simply by T.V. programmes and romantic novels", points Sadhoo.

So now that you know the cause, why not head for some damage control?

Stop Being the Solo Investor in the Relationship

You can't clap with a single hand. Photo: Shutterstock/Indiapictures

Feel this?
Ok, so ever since mankind existed, men have had the 'hunt and cherish' instincts in them, says Sadhoo. Facing challenges is food for the male ego. "If you don't give him the opportunity to participate and invest in the relationship by always being available, he may soon get bored or feel burdened by your over giving nature", she explains. The solution? Let him miss you, let him make the effort, let him chase you. Just don't go overboard though. Balance girls, balance.

Stop Being Jesus
Silence is not always golden, girls, so stop rewarding him for his substandard behaviour by staying mum. Giving too many chances out of fear of losing the one you love will only make him more comfortable with disrespecting you. Hence, stop feeding yourself with silly excuses for his bad behaviour and express your displeasure. Just remember you can't simply serve bulls**t with sugar and call it a cupcake. You get the point, right?

Stop Being a Martyr
No ladies, being the non-demanding girl-next-door is not the way to go. "Refusing gifts and help in the early stages of a relationship is fine as it shows that you're not in it for materialistic gains; but once the relationship deepens, it may seem like a lack of respect for his choice and decisions", says Sadhoo. For god's sake now, stop depriving him of these opportunities to make efforts for you (and yourself of some exquisite gifts, just saying).

Be Confident Girls
Being upfront about your needs and confidently putting your opinion forth is essential. Again, balance is the key. "Don't follow any set of preconceived notions. React according to the situation and know when to listen to him and when to put your opinion forth", emphasizes Sadhoo. Oh! and did we mention how many men think what a major turn-on confidence is?

And Finally...
Remember: there ain't no holy grail for living an ideal life. But one thing is for certain--being nice doesn't mean allowing people to walk all over you. So, find a happy medium between being there and not overextending yourself for your man. Balance, remember?