World Sight Day: An open letter to people who don't wear glasses

I am as human as you. Photo Courtesy: YouTube

Dear rest of the world,

Congratulations. Congratulations to you for being a non-chashmish. Go ahead, become a pilot if you want. You are lucky you don't stumble across your room every morning, while bumping into things. You don't get into a fight with your mom just because she forgot to keep your glasses in the right place. Your siblings don't irritate the hell out of you by hiding your prized glasses. Nor do your 9-month-old nieces and nephews snatch them right off your eyes, while you are forced to giggle at their tactics. Last but not the least, you are not asked to lend your glasses to the kids in your extended family who want to get clicked while wearing them. Seriously! What's the obsession?

Believe it or not, but you have a happy life. You just don't know it. So, I have a question for you. What the hell is your problem? Why does it bother so you much that I wear glasses? Why the hell can't you leave people like me alone? What is it with you that makes you bombard me with ridiculous questions? People, I have a teeny-tiny request: just stop asking.

If you think I am exaggerating, then let me tell you: I am not. Here are a few questions that I am asked almost every day.

Yeh Nazar Ka Chashma Hai?

Nope. Who in their right mind wears glasses because they have a bad eyesight? Don't you know--glasses help you speak and listen better. In fact, you can even catch fishes with them? Just throw them in the water and reel the fishes in.

Power Hai Is Mein?

No, No-I wear glasses just for the sake of it. You see, I am a fan of cricketer Daniel Vettori. It just feels great to have them perched on my nose. Moreover, it feels just amazing when the nose pads dig into my skin. Wah! What feels.

Is it Plus or Minus

Aha! Einstein. It really doesn't matter what it is. You won't get it anyway even if I lecture you about it for decades.

You Poor Thing! You've To Wear It All The Time?

No, don't worry. I just wear it between sunrise and sunset. I turn into an owl at night. My vision just comes back magically.

Tell me--How Many Fingers Am I Holding Up?

Why? I will not. I am not your slave.

Can I Wear Your Glasses? I Wanna See How I Look

These are glasses dude not a f**king surgery. You are going to look exactly the way you look now.

Phew! The questions are endless. However, there are a few other things you should know too. For your own good, of course.

1. These are glasses not hand lens. You are not suppose to make fingerprints on them. Also, kindly don't exfoliate your blackheads with my glasses.
2. Glasses help us see things clearly. You don't need to pester us to sit on the front bench or push us closer to the television. No thank you. We can see.
3. If we misplace our glasses, we need your help looking for them. Please do help.
4. Kindly don't hold the lens while picking up the glasses. Especially if you've just eaten aloo paratha . I don't need your fingerprints smeared all across the lenses. You are not a murder convict.
5. Bad eyesight is not a communicable disease. You really don't need to wipe my glasses with a tissue and sanitizer before trying it on.
6. Don't ask how much did it cost. Just don't.
7. Don't turn into a doctor every time you look at me. Don't tell me that I need to drink onion juice or put horse's pee into my eyes to see clearly.

So, people. Do me a favour. Go to an optical store. Ask them for a pair of glasses. Tell them your eyesight is perfectly alright but you are dying to try them on. They will ask you to get an eye-test done. In all probability, they will hand you 0.25 power glasses. Once you get hold of them, experiment with them as much as you want. Just leave me the hell alone.

Yours Truly,

Chishmish

(This article was originally written in Hindi by Prateeksha Pandey for The Lallantop)