I hate being called a lesbian. Call me queer instead

As much as I hate labels, I hate being labelled something I'm not more. Photo Courtesy: Facebook/QueerSchool

When I came out of the closet, I didn't know what to really call myself. There were so many terms, too many boxes to put myself into, and too many labels to try. There was gay (which is used for women too), lesbian, pansexual, and so on. Everything meant something different, which I only realized quite late in life.

See, the thing is I came out of the closet in my mid-twenties. Till then I was unaware of the existence of India's LGBTQ community--thanks to my rather small closet. As I had no exposure to LGBTQ representation in the media (let's not even talk about Bollywood's homophobic attitude), my research was limited to whatever I found online and it wasn't enough.

I came out as a bisexual, and soon enough realized I was not attracted to men, and then came to the conclusion that maybe I was a lesbian .

After all, being a lesbian, I thought, meant being not sexually attracted to men. And boy was I wrong--not only about what the word actually means but also about the intricacies of my sexuality. Lesbian refers to a woman, who is sexually attracted to and partners with other women. But with time, I realized that my sexuality was a bit more complex than that.

Although, I was attracted to other women, I realized that I was attracted to people who identify as gender queer or fall on the transgender spectrum. And the label lesbian didn't define me anymore. You see sexuality is pretty fluid, you can realize with time who you are actually attracted to.

This was the time when I was introduced to the word queer. You may have seen the letter "Q" in LGBTQ, well that stands for queer. But what does it actually mean?

The word 'queer' was actually used as a slang for the LGBTQ community, which meant "odd," "strange," "questionable nature," or "shady". However, people from the community weren't the ones to bow down to some disparaging slang and they decided to reclaim it.

Queer became an umbrella term for all those who could see that they didn't fit into the labels of gay or lesbian. The word does not explain exactly either your gender or the gender of your partner, it gives a sense of fluidity.

So what does the word actually imply?, Well, it's simple actually---"not straight". I do not have to mention what gender I'm attracted to, nor do I have to mention what my sexuality is, because the word gives me freedom.

But you know what draws me more to this term, well the politics and the history of it. I mean, I surely wasn't part of the struggles that LGBTQ community went through while reclaiming the word queer, but I surely understand the importance of it.

This is why I prefer people refer to me as a queer woman, instead of a lesbian. I wear my sexuality on my sleeves and the word not only implies my political beliefs, but also my orientation.

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