Suhasini Mulay: Life begins at 60

'A strong relationship does not just happen, it doesn't fall from the sky. You need to work on it, give it time.' It was when the nuclear scientist (also a romantic at heart) said this to her, that the 60-year-old actor and director, Suhasini Mulay, decided she had to meet the man… She talks to Mohini Mehrotra about her one-and-a-half-year "young" marriage, how she keeps the chemistry alive, the importance of personal space, and more…

Marriage At 60: How & Why?
She has lived alone for 20 years. And that's how long she's been out of a relationship. She says marriage had ceased to be in the picture; it was over the horizon and out of sight. Suhasini's plan was to move back to Delhi from Mumbai. Her mother, sister and aunt live in Friends Colony - they have a floor each to themselves and Suhasini thought she would join in. But when she stayed in Delhi for 3-4 months, about two years ago, she realised that in the 10 years that she'd been away, she had no friends left in the city. 'They had dispersed over time. And because my live-in relationship (almost 20 years back) had broken up, people from that circle too, had parted ways. And I came to Delhi in the winter, and found it super cold. I realised with age, I wouldn't be able to handle it ! So it had to be Mumbai,' she recalled.

Having made this decision, Suhasini started re-thinking her life's direction. Soon it struck her that the friends she had in Mumbai were actually only from work; all of them were 20-25 years younger to her and were starting families. 'I thought about it calmly and said okay, it doesn't matter, I can still live on my own, like I've done for 20 long years; I was happy.' Then, one day, actor Mrinalini Tyagi - who she has worked with in the television serial, Do Saheliyan, asked her if she had a Facebook account. Suhasini told her that she didn't even have time to access her email, forget about Facebook. 'Mrinalini said, "Oh no! All of Bollywood's on Facebook and Twitter; you must have an account!"' When on Facebook, a whole new world opened up for Suhasini. She saw people make friends with strangers, and share their most intimate details with each other. Initially, she found it all strange. But, having realised that this was the future of communication, she started visiting the site, and one day someone recommended her Atul's (her husband's) profile. What caught her eye first was that he was a nuclear scientist, far removed from her world. They soon became friends, and Atul would write to Suhasini every week.

'One day he wrote to me saying, "I know you are busy and happy with what you are doing, and that's great, but in future i f you ever think of a relationship (I had indicated that I was single) or if you ever want to develop one, it's not going to happen on its own. You will have to work at it… give it time. Relationships have to be built; they don't fall from the sky." She realised she had become too introvert in all the years of living alone. Once Atul emailed Suhasini an article he'd written when his first wife passed away.

He had talked of how after they had discovered that she had cancer, they spent her remaining 4-5 years doing everything she had wanted to do, and hadn't… Naturally devastated when faced with the news, they later decided that instead of despairing and breaking down, they would make the most of what life they had left together. Suhasini was deeply touched: 'That did it! I had to meet this man, I decided.' It was the day before Diwali that the couple met in a Mumbai mall. They found they had a lot to talk about, being from such diverse backgrounds. It was obvious to Suhasini that he was looking for a lasting relationship. She returned home, and gave it a lot of thought. 'I wanted to be clear in my head about things. I called a dear friend who lives in Kolkata. When he heard the confusion in my life, he said, "Suhas, as you grow old, your circle of friends begins to reduce, and if you look back, it's only you and me who have been in contact. All the others have drifted away. If something's happening, the best thing for you is to let it happen. If you have preconditions, state them clearly to yourself first. You can then communicate it clearly to him…" It was the most sane advice I have ever got,' she reminisces.

Suhasini started meeting Atul more often. She noticed his little quirks and enjoyed them. For instance, that he ate sushi and that too, with chopsticks. However, on a serious note, there was one requirement she had: That of equality. 'I have met only two men who don't do lip service but actually believe and practise equality. One was a friend at university, and the other is Atul.' She recalled the time Atul's apartment needed major renovation. He had asked Suhasini for help with it. 'When we went there, I told him that we would need measurements to know what furniture would fit in. He let me take the measurements and wrote them down as I called them out. It's a small thing, but most guys would do the opposite - they wouldn't trust your judgement and expect you to be doing the scribbling. I was impressed!

 He didn't try to take over at all; most men tend to do that all the time, and it gets my goat.' She then went on to tell her mother about Atul over phone, who promptly reached Mumbai to review her daughter's suitor and give her feedback. The three met at a restaurant where Suhasini's mother (90) asked him pointedly why he wanted to get married at this age (Atul was 64 when they got married). 'Atul's answer to this was, "Everyone can live on their own, but if you have a real chance at happiness, you would be stupid not to grab it!" I though it was possibly the best way to look at a situation.' They set a date for an Arya Samaj wedding. When they told the pandit that they were the "to-be-married bride and groom", he was stunned and stammered, "Ji, aap dono? Very good, very good". We cracked up laughing… We got a similar reaction at the court too. But who cared... We were happy! We got married on January 16, 2011.' Any plans to adopt? 'Atul had a child from his first marriage but lost him when he was just 16-yearsold. His wife died 7-8 years later. He's really had a tough life. Probably these experiences have made him a more sensitive, caring and loving person... Had we been 20 years younger, we definitely would have had children…'

Work And Films
Suhasini was recently seen in Love You To Death, a dark comedy, which didn't work well in the Indian market. But the actor gave a stellar performance. Next to hit the theatres is Gandhi Of The Month, and she's currently working on My Friend Ganesha Part 4. She said that she will get back to documentaries now, because the market in Bollywood for someone her age is limited and low. 'The stars of yesteryears are the grandmothers of today, so why would they cast a Suhasini Mulay, when they can cast a Hema Malini?' she states in a matter-of-fact way. And does this affect her emotionally? Pat came the reply, 'I would be stupid to feel angry, because these women have done nothing but act all their lives.

I have a varied work portfolio. If I were the producer, even I would cast a Hema Malini or Shabana Azmi. And what should I be cribbing about? I have got four National Awards for my documentary films, and one National Award for acting.' The actor also confessed that it was always directing and not acting that really gets her charged up even today. We ended the chat with the actor telling us a bit about her passions in life, besides filmmaking, her beauty mantra and more… 'I love fruits and salad, and sushi! I enjoy travelling, experimenting with food and trying out different cuisines.' As for her beauty regime - neem to the rescue: As soon as she sees a hint of a pimple on her face, she chews some raw neem leaves with a pinch of haldi every day, for about a week. 'Also, with age, my hair's started falling, so once a month, no matter how busy I may be, I find time to get a hair oil treatment done at a salon.' We say a hurried goodbye - but her day is not over. She has to catch dinner with her family. And then back to Mumbai and her husband.