Sindoor, mangalsutra not in vogue anymore?

Are traditional wedding symbols just a tag that reads 'unavailable'or is there more to it? Here's what ek chutki sindoor is all about.

Neelanjana Dev got engaged last week and throughout the week she has been fussing about the engagement ring.

She has been having nightmares of losing the diamond studded ring. "It is slightly loose and slips off as soon as it comes in contact with soap and water. And since it is the next most expensive thing I have ever worn after my billion dollar smile… to wear or not to wear the ring; is the big question right now!" says Dev. "Is it necessary to make a public statement of my relationship status, even at the risk of losing the first and the most precious gift that my fiancé has ever given me?" Dev guards the ring with her life - the slightest brush against a piece of cloth sets her heart galloping like a horse. But she has decided against taking it off. "I will get the ring tightened. Taking it off is not an option for me. The ring symbolises the added responsibilities that come with a marriage. I think I now have to be more responsible for my actions. My days of a hassle-free life are over," she says.

But apart from the ring, she is not ready to adopt the other 'hassles'that come with a marriage. For her, sindoor and bangles are a complete no-no. "I'll have to wear them during my marriage. But it is impractical to wear these symbols everyday," says Dev.

Sorry Ms Deepika Padukone, but not everyone is a fan of 'Ek chutki bhar sindoor'! Unfortunately, her famous dialogue in the flick Om Shanti Om could not impress people like Dev. "I don't think sindoor screaming 'Dude! She is taken'will strengthen our relationship. What matters is the bond that I share with my partner," she says.

For Mudita Chauhan-Mubayi, the symbols of her marriage are her husband and her two beautiful daughters. "They are my life, nothing else can symbolise my marriage," she says. Chauhan-Mubayi has a hyphenated name and a hyphenated life.

"I never wanted to marry. I never wanted to let go of my maiden name. And then I insanely fell in love and got married. I assumed new roles and responsibilities but I have not forsaken my old life. I live on two different planes," she says. And wedding symbols for her are well… just symbols. She wears a wedding ring all the time not because she is expected to, but because she likes it. "I do not wear sindoor because I don't really like the idea. On some days, I wear a bindi because I feel feminine. But that happens only when I am wearing a sari or salwar-kameez," says Chauhan-Mubayi.

She may not wear sindoor, but that doesn't mean that she has a dislike for all marriage symbols. She has several pieces of jewellery that are marriage symbols in various cultures - a Tamil thali, Garhwali paunchi bracelets and a Maharashtrian mangalsutra. "They are more jewellery pieces than affirmations of my marital status. I wear them at times because they complement an outfit or suit an occasion," she says.

Married to a Kashmiri, Chauhan-Mubayi is supposed to wear atehroos. "Unmarried Kashmiri girls traditionally wear a dijehroo, a gold stud on a piercing inside the ear - and when they get married, they string it through an atehroo, a gold string which their motherin-law gifts them. The combined ornament hangs down their ears up to chest-level to signify their married status," she explains.

Since she does not have those ear piercings, she wears her atehroos hooped around her ears. "They look beautiful but they are pretty impractical to wear except on family functions," says Chauhan-Mubayi, who did not face any opposition from her husband or in-laws when she decided not to wear any of the wedding symbols.

"We live in a practical world. We work. We socialise for business.

We wear outfits from all over the world. Symbols are now just symbols, to be displayed on symbolic occasions," she says.

But for Vandana Jaikumar, a thirty-one-year-old research associate, her mangalsutra, toerings and sindoor are more than just symbols. "They've become a part of me now. I don't view them as a piece of jewellery or make-up. In fact before I got married, I looked forward to wearing them," says Jaikumar.

Married to an orthodox Tamil family, Jaikumar never takes off her mangalsutra. "I once took it off, when I went to the beauty parlour, but when I came back my husband took notice immediately and asked me if, 'have I become so frivolous that you stop wearing it?'" she recalls - but then, her husband too, makes it a point to wear his wedding ring all the time.

"Men nowadays are more concerned about their rings. They are in the habit of flaunting their wedding or engagement rings, especially when they are in the company of women," says Jaikumar.

Nabamita Roy agrees, "Nowadays, men seem to be more delighted to get married than women. So they love to flaunt their rings." However, if you ask her husband Indraneel Dutta if he is particular about his wife wearing a marriage symbol, he replies in the negative. "But when I don't put sindoor, he's sure to ask whether I wouldn't be putting sindoor today?" says Nabamita, who got married to Indraneel two months ago.

"I think men feel secure to see their wife in sindoor, mangalsutra, etc... especially when they go to work or someplace without them. It is like a stamp saying, 'sorry, this lady is already taken'," says Nabamita.

But wearing marriage symbols doesn't necessarily safeguard women from unwanted attention.

"In today's world, men will go after any woman they consider 'easy'or 'a tough nut to crack'- it is irrespective of the marital status of the woman," she says. "Marriage is a social status and attaching 'symbols'to it is very natural and logical.

It also acts as a social binder between the husband and the wife and reminds them of their commitment." After her traditional Bengali 'wedding, Nabamita went a step ahead and wore chuda - a set of bangles worn by Punjabi brides - for a couple of months. "My husband and I enjoyed the admiring glances and attention it got us for some time. Somehow, we feel that people just love to see newly-weds and the chuda serves the purpose! Also the decision to wear chuda was to keep away Bengalis on our honeymoon - especially Bengalis who just love to use the 'Bong connection'to socialise," she smiles.

Nabamita chucked her chuda s after her fairytale honeymoon in North Bengal and is back to good old Bengali sindoor, "My in-laws and other elders in the family want me to continue wearing sindoor, especially when we go out for social or religious function," she says, recounting a little legend about the origin of sindoor. "Centuries ago when a man won a woman in a fight, he would cut the woman's forehead with an arrow to publicise his victory over his competitors. The blood which came out was called sindoor." Many Vedic experts say that the sindoor is placed on the parting of the hair at a Hindu marriage ceremony to signify that the wife is now under the protection of her husband and that anyone who harms her would find their blood shed.

The urban legends of the 21st century say something else. It is now a personal decision. "The decision of wearing marriage symbols should be left to the bride and groom," says Poonam Deogan, 32, a teacher. "I never forget to wear sindoor, my gold bangles and toe-rings. I wear them because I am emotionally attached to them," she says.

Chauhan-Mubayi chips in: "The best way to show everyone you are married - if you must - is to work at your marriage and make it a happy one. Do not wear a chuda or a maangtika while you are busy cheating on your husband, or if you are not happy in your marriage. Live your life in its entirety, not through symbols." Deogan concludes. "With time, the value of these symbols has diminished. And marriage is more than just a symbol isn't it?"