Sex isn't everything: I am an asexual woman in a happy long-term relationship

We have been in a steady relationship for the past seven years. Photo: Shutterstock/ IndiaPicture

This Valentine's Day, my partner and I decided on doing something special for each other. Taking a break from our otherwise humdrum lives, we planned an intimate date that included some wine, good music, a candle-night dinner, and no sex.

As I said before, we had indeed planned on making the day very special for each other, so a no-sex deal was my partner's gift to me.

Wondering why am I calling a night without any steamy action a gift? Well, that's because I am an asexual woman. And by that I mean I am not interested in having sex and have no sexual desires whatsoever.

Before you jump the gun and tell me that's bullshit and the reason why I abstain from having sex is because I am not into my man, let me tell you that I love him to the moon and back.

We have been in a steady relationship for the past seven years, without sex becoming a deal breaker.

Yes, people like me exist.

I do everything to make my partner happy, except to have sex with him. Something that would freak most people out, but not me.

As far as I am concerned, I am well-aware about my situation and don't feel guilty about not making love to my mate. Majorly because he understands where it's coming from and he is okay with it.

Also read: Love me but don't touch me: All you need to know about overcoming sexual frigidity

I know that I am different from the majority, but that doesn't brand me as abnormal. In fact, I am as normal as any hot-blooded woman out there.

In all these years, I have given much thought to my aversion to sex and have come up with some valid explanations.

I really don't need sex to cement my relationship. Photo: Shutterstock/ IndiaPicture

You see, my family is pretty conservative when it comes to mingling with the members of the opposite sex. So, while growing up I was not allowed to befriend boys, talk to them, or go out with them.

This might seem pretty normal since most Indian families don't want their daughters socializing with boys, but in my case, things were a little different.

My bedtime stories comprised of lectures of what happened to 'bad' girls who fell in love and did 'dirty' things before marriage. The idea of sex was so looked down upon in my family that I unintentionally began to despise it myself.

As I grew up, I saw logic behind such tales, but the thought was so deep-rooted in my psyche that I found almost impossible to break free from it.

I am a liberal woman and in a loving relationship, but I still can't help but allow my past to cast a shadow over my present. Somewhere, deep inside my heart, the voices from my childhood still echo in my ears--calling sex a sin.

I am not sure from what exactly the aversion stems from, but what I do know is that I can live without having sex and still be in a loving relationship.

To be honest, over the past few years I have attempted getting intimate with my partner but failed rather miserably. So, after I became sure of my feelings, I sat down to have an honest chat with him.

It turned out that he had a hint and was amazing while dealing with it.

So, if you harbour the same feelings as me but are confused about it, I would suggest that you have an honest conversation with your partner--it really helps.

Also read: Don't enjoy sex? It's painful for nearly one in 10 women, says study