Every man is an a**hole in his own special way. And no, I am not a man hater

No, all men are not the same. Photo Courtesy: Twitter/thomasLUVjaymes

I have major problems with two very painfully serious issues in life: Firstly, the fact that all good food eventually reflects in the form of two extra inches on my booty. And secondly, the most misguided principle of all men being the same. Whoever said it, clearly was a distant relative of Anushka Sharma's character from Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi, who couldn't even tell the difference between a moustached Shah Rukh Khan and a clean-shaven one.

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On second thoughts, there IS one thing common that binds the whole male species together. No, you dirty minds! I am not getting into the biological aspects here. Call it a case of sour grapes or just blame it on a series of bad relationships, what I've gathered from my own experiences with men is the fact that in the end, all of them are disappointing.

No matter how sweet a man seems in the beginning, the same guy who replied to your texts at the speed of light is bound to eventually turn into the do-not-disturb, Mukesh Ambani-level-busy entrepreneur with his phone on the silent mode (apparently) ALWAYS.

In case you think you've hit jackpot and fraying from his regular mentality of taking things for granted, he pays attention to you consistently, check his phone instead of thanking your stars already. My own father once told me, be weary of the-always-nice men the most. There's a high probability of him being a cheating asshole.

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If he's neither cheating nor taking you for granted, he may suck at expressing his admiration for anything that you do. Basically, all those cooking classes or that extra hour at the salon, and those painful waxing sessions are going to go unnoticed. If at all he's the inexpressive-but-generous kinds, you could be showered with a 'hmm' or 'nice' for your otherwise-humongous efforts, that truly deserve a Padma Shri. Not to mention, you have no option but to come to terms with the fact that 'romance' is a word in the dictionary, not in your love life.

If he's expressive, romantic, non-cheating, there are chances that he's actually really confused about his feelings. He's basically Chetan Bhagat's distant relative. He's your half boyfriend. Or maybe just a half-hearted boyfriend. Take it in written from me, your fate after being in a relationship with a guy like that is being told this one harsh line in the end: "I didn't love you" or "I don't love you any more" if he's more dramatic in life. This may not always be a sudden realization or a curious case of your Benjamin Button's mixed feelings. 

Also read: If ghosting and breadcrumbing weren't enough, we've now got the concept of 'half girlfriend'. Thanks, Chetan Bhagat.

Don't rule out the possibility of him only being interested in getting into your pants. Because uncontrollable hormones screaming for sex are more important than any human being's feelings, you know?

He may even be a manipulative d*ck, who'd call you Katrina Kaif even when you look worse than Rakhi Sawant in that red dress just to spare himself the horror of answering the much-dreaded, "Am I looking fat?' question. He may also compare you to Sanjeev Kapoor even if you cook salt-less moong daal for him. The fact is that he just wouldn't give an honest feedback and leave any scope for your improvement and growth. Because all he cares about is avoiding 'that' talk, or any talk at all.

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If you've already judged me for being a man-hater, then here's a reality check for you too. This perception is based on my experiences with, well--men. And I'd like to think I've given out enough chances to this species to change my outlook. But each time, they've only strengthened my beliefs.

Yes, all men aren't the same, each one disappoints you in a different way.