Men have performance anxiety--I have orgasm anxiety. Here's why

Stop focusing on perfect sex. Just enjoy what's in front of you. Photo: YouTube/ BombayTalkies

You may have heard and read enough about performance anxiety that some men go through while trying to make love. And it's completely natural. You want to impress your partner, you don't want look lousy in bed, and you want to make yourself happy. Phew! So much to do at once. But, I am not here to talk about struggles men face in bed. I am here to throw light on this thing called orgasm anxiety.

Until recently, I wasn't even aware if it was a thing. You see, when it comes to sex, I am bamboozled with the intricacies of it. And do you know why? Because all through my teenage years, I was told about the miracles of sex by some very close gal pals. They described this very common biological phenomenon with words straight out of Mills and Boons.

Some said that sex felt like a million starts exploding all at once, some said it is the most beautiful thing in the world, and some said sex defines the true meaning of happiness. So, it would be safe to say that I had my hopes pretty high and that led to a lot of anxiety. This in turn made sex for me pretty stressful for me.

I was so concerned with adhering to all the norms that I turned into a machine without even realizing it. The determination to achieve a perfect orgasm made things all the worse. The moments of passion began to turn into my worst nightmare because I was too caught up in trying to do everything right. My focus solely lingered on the perfect big O, rubbishing everything in the process. But, much my chagrin that never happened. My failure made me question my biological parts and my identity as a woman. I wondered if there was something wrong with me because I just couldn't orgasm. Something that everyone in the world could easily do. Thanks to my friends, I believed that sex just means one thing--orgasm . And when that didn't happen, it was impossible for me to enjoy the process. Everything else felt like a lie.

So, that is when I came across the term orgasm anxiety. And after reading up on it, I realized what was happening to me. You see, orgasm anxiety increases stress, adds to the worry, and can take you out of your body and into your head,  which of course makes climaxing more difficult and less enjoyable.

I learnt this the hard way. But, here's what I would like to say to you. Stop investing all your energy on the climax. It's okay if you don't. Just enjoy the journey. And once you are able to do that, trust me, things are going to get a lot pleasurable in the sack.

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