So your partner has a promiscuous past. Here's how you can deal with it

With acceptance and confidence, you can surely win the battle. Photo: Shutterstock/IndiaPicture

Denzel Washington once said, "You pray for rain, you gotta deal with the mud too. That's a part of it". Now he might have said it in an entirely different context, but his words make a lot of sense even when it comes to the matters of the heart.

You know a relationship is a lot more than just the presence of a man in your life and the joy it brings you. It also has a lot to do with accepting your partner's nature, lifestyle, flaws, habits and well-his past-however complicated it may be.

Yes, sometimes it can pinch you when he mentions her ex's name or in extreme cases, tell you about how good she was in bed. But that doesn't mean you let your insecurities ruin your relationship that may have the potential of growing into something beautiful and everlasting.

If his past has been bothering you for a while now, here's help from Dr Rachna K. Singh, mental health expert and founder, director of The Mind and Wellness Studio, Delhi.

Face Your Fears
Every fairytale has obstacles, so no matter who says what, your fears and concerns are legit. After all, you can't just walk into a relationship turning a blind eye to your partner's complicated history, and pretend like all's well. But you also need to make sure you don't let these fears overpower you. Don't let these fears pressurize you into doing things you are unwilling to do.

Ignorance is NOT Bliss
Taking his history into account is important as it will help you realize a couple of important things about your relationship.

"Every relationship is based on a set of priorities. If he's had a string of relationships and an active sex life before--sex is definitely a priority for him, and he does expect a good sexual compatibility with you", says Singh. You just need to be aware of his needs first, and go ahead with the relationship only if you're comfortable with it.

Communicate, But Don't Make Sharing Scary

It probably took a lot for your partner to come clean about his past. So, respect that and find the right way and the right time to communicate your issues. You see, it's a sensitive situation and there are a lot of emotions attached here.

Firstly, if you are too bothered by the frequent mentions of his ex partners, you need to convey it to him politely and ask him to stop.

Secondly, because sex is important to him, you should communicate your sexual desires to each other in order to ensure better compatibility. Singh suggests having that talk once the familiarity sets in and you get comfortable, maybe, post a couple of sexual contacts with each other.

And do we need to tell you the ways? We trust you to not go up to him randomly and bombard him with a well-framed set of questions and turn it into an awkward interview-type situation. Take a deep breath, and remember one question at a time-the right time, we mean.

Acceptance, On The Other Hand, IS Bliss
Your insecurity is your problem, not his. And it can only be calmed with acceptance of his past.
"You need to accept that his previous relationships brought him immense joy, but now those joyous journeys have ended and are in the past. You are his present so make sure you make the most of it", explains Singh.

After all, each couple has a different chemistry, a different spark, so why compare, right?

Confidence is Key

Now we may have listed this in the end, but you have to be confident at every step. Be confident and don't let your fears overpower you. Be confident when you communicate your problems, be confident about your capacity to accept and let go of his past.

In fact, you can turn the-confidence-is-sexy phrase true here. If you're emotionally strong and balanced, take it in the right spirit, and channelize your jealousy in bed. Show him what you got,  show him what he missed with his previous girls.

After all you are a strong woman who knows how to take things in her stride, right?