Do non-Indian men make better boyfriends? I have the answer

Indian boyfriends and 'stick up the a**' have kind of become synonymous for me.

Anonymous Naari Anonymous Naari
सितंबर 20, 2017
This country needs to bring up men who don't see women in their lives as furniture. Photo courtesy: Unsplash/AneteLusina

 

Dating is not an easy game for women in India. Men here cannot deal with sh*t-be it girlfriends/wives who do better than them; women who call the shots; or women who choose to leave them. I'll bloat up and burst into a million shards, taking with me the next man who mansplains this to me with #NotAllMen. If every woman I know has faced it, chances are MOST men are this way, that's not okay. So when non-Indian guys (NIG from now on) came into my life after a string of bad relationships with their Indian counterparts, it took me a while to realize that men could be better than insensitive beings. You might not be used to hearing a woman out, but let's make this your first before you come at me, brandishing your swords.\

They Don't Mistake Sense of Humour With FlirtingThis German guy and I, we clicked right away when I greeted him with 'Hail Hitler!'. I was so scared that spontaneity would reflect as flirting, and surprised when it did not. We both laughed and he talked about how Germans are still guilty about the Holocaust. I told him exactly how honour killings work; he told me how Germans were finally responding to refugee crisis, I told him exactly why Kejriwal was a scam-and actual conversations happened! There was a friendship we forged before we entered a relationship. We still have an occasional conversation on our birthdays, we're still civil-which has stood the test of the hardships that our relationship went through. There's not a single Indian guy I dated, who would not think I am making a comeback in his life if I try to keep things civil when the love is gone.

Photo Courtesy: Unsplash/ElizabethTsung Photo Courtesy: Unsplash/ElizabethTsung
 

They Are Open To Talking Out Problems'Abbe dimag matt kha yaar!' is not a statement that was ever directed at me in any language while dating an NIG. You see I know 'not all men'. But nonetheless, every female friend has at some point told me how her boyfriend just does not want to talk things out, not to mention the number of times I've been with a guy like that. An African-American-the second NIG guy in my life--actually planned to make sure we're both free at the same time, can meet at a common place, and talk, if something was bothering us. It did not work out in the long runlong distance3 is not my thing-but we parted on amicable terms. And I know for a fact that if he is ever in the country, he will hit me up for drinks. And it won't be a plan to get into my pants. That's called respect-look it up.

They Never Left Me Hanging When Things Went HaywireThis, dear readers, is an extension of communication. When a boyfriend had to go to his home country for his job, he never ghosted, benched, or gave me a mental breakdown in anyway. It takes courage to tell the woman you're dating that your job is your priority-and he did not back away from that conversation. He had the balls to sit down and weigh the pros and cons of the situation with me, and we reached the conclusion that parting as friends was the best resort. It broke our hearts, but a six-month-old relationship matters a lot less than seven years of work you've put in to get somewhere. He could finally work with the U.N.- and as happy as I was, breaking ties was the best way we'd not resent each other later. This has been the best breakup I've had in my 25 years of existence-does that not say something?

Photo Courtesy: Unsplash/ChristianaRivers Photo Courtesy: Unsplash/ChristianaRivers
 

There Was Never Any Protest About How I Carried MyselfI was never told to wear certain thing only when I was with him; or not to hang-out with my guy friends; or not to venture out at night. Of course my guy friends made them insecure-- of course there are people in both our lives we fought about, and most of all there was a big cultural gap that we were coming to terms with. Yet I was never asked to mould myself to please any of them. Eradicating my freedom of choice was never a solution they resorted to. What my upbringing could not inculcate about personal boundaries was taught to me by two foreign men. That is so sad, it is funny.We're not asking for much dear Indian men, and we're not saying you are un-dateable. We're saying that the problem you face with women can be done away with if you'd keep your ego aside and just talk. I should not have to sail across seven seas to find the man I love!

 

 

 

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