An ode to my ex-boyfriend on Teacher's Day: Thanks for teaching me the best lessons of my life

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You know what's common between 'love' and 'lessons' apart from the letter 'L'? It's the person who you love and who in the end teaches you the greatest lessons of your life. No points for guessing that I am referring to my not-so-dear ex-boyfriend here.

Most of you (including him, if he's reading this) stand confused as to why I have chosen the momentous occasion of Teachers' Day instead of Valentine's Day to pay him an ode, but hello! He was more of a teacher to me than he was a forgettable partner.

Here are five valuable lessons I need to thank him for:

Lesson #1: 'C' For Ch…Cheater

From Karan Johar to Imtiaz Ali, many top-notch directors, poets, lyricists, artists have glorified the power of a broken heart when it comes to transforming your personality completely and I can't help but agree with them.

In fact, a broken heart can even shatter the basic educational lessons you learn as a child as in my case.

Up until I dated my now ex-boyfriend, the letter 'C' stood for cat/car/carbon for me. But now, whenever I see kids innocently reciting the English alphabet, I want to stop them right there and tell them that 'C' stands for cheating so that they don't have to go through a heartbreak in future to get this straight.

All thanks to Mr.Philanderer, this lesson is pretty clear to me now. No doubts there, sir.

Lesson #2: 'M' For Me and Myself

Here, I would like to commend my ex for not just being a teacher to me, but for exhibiting some exceptional leadership qualities. He taught me how important putting myself first was and he led by example while doing so by being the epitome of selfishness throughout the course of our relationship.

Though I don't intend to follow in his leader-like footsteps and turn into a selfish prick like him, but I do understand that you can't exactly love someone else if you don't love yourself first.

Lesson #3: Opposites Only Attract, They Don't F**king Gel

Probably by now, you (and him, if he's reading this) must be thinking that he is some sort of a champion of the English alphabet for redefining the letters for me.

And after all these years of trying to politely discourage him from sporting a beard with the weird cropped hairdo, I know that reality checks don't work on him. But I'm not going to stop trying just like he didn't stop disappointing me when we were together.

So, for starters, he's not an alphabet champ--he's a chimp. And while lesson #3 might make him sound like a physics champion, but he isn't that either.

What I mean to thank him here for is to teach me the importance of compatibility in a relationship.

Going through the torture of watching horrendous movies like Mad Max for him, while having him snore in my ear during the screening of my favourite Salman Khan movies was just not worth it. Not because he doesn't deserve to witness the on-screen grandeur of Sallu, my love; but because trying too hard to adapt to each other's liking--when you're actually poles apart--eventually leads to frustration. So, if you don't naturally hit off well, there's no point forcing things.

Lesson #4: 'F' For F***k Off--NOT Friendship

This lesson came handy post break-up for when the ch…cheater tried to redefine 'F' for me by proposing to be 'friends' after the relationship ended. But, by then, I had become a wiser student so, I reminded him and myself of the second, more important word that starts with this very controversial letter.

No points for guessing , I asked him to simply f**k off after endless post-break-up heartbreaks in a bid to actually be friends with him. Trust me, there's no such thing as friendship after having your heart broken by the same person.

Lesson #5: 'F' Also Stands For Forgiveness

If I had to point out the most important lesson I got from him, it has to be this one. After I moved on, I gathered that it's normal to cry and lament the loss of someone you loved--or someone you thought you loved.

But it's not normal to hold it on for the rest of your life and end up living in a perpetual state of despair and agony. So I forgave him for his mistakes and forgave myself for being too naïve and thus I am in a happy place celebrating Teacher's Day in full swing. Cheers!

Also read: I can be best friends with Pervez Musharraf, but not even cordial with my ex-boyfriend. Here's why.