5 things that make you a bi**h in life

Be an attentive bitch and read this carefully. Photo: Shutterstock/IndiaPicture

Caution: I am going to make a very horrendous comparison below that might just blow your mind. In fact, a few self-proclaimed foodies might also take offense, but I couldn't care less because being a bitch is now a way of life for me. 

In my opinion, bitchiness is like butter chicken. You know why? Because they both have a sure-shot recipe that leads the maker to the final product--the lipsmacking butter chicken or in the other case, the much-dreaded bitch label.

While you can find a butter chicken recipe practically everywhere on the web, we have an exclusive formula for securing the bitch label for life.

Trust us, these mantras are more precious than Coca Cola's secret recipe. Here's what you need to do:

Start with something basic in case you're a new entrant in the bitch club of the society. Little things like wearing dark lipsticks and "loud" make-up or being clad in shorts in the scorching summer heat can not only mark your grand entry in the much sort-after club, but can also make sure that you become a permanent member here.

To secure your position, start talking too much in life and you'll be deemed as the talkative bitch, who is literally capable of turning people deaf. The good part about securing this label is that you might have a chance of being compared to Kareena Kapoor 's character in Jab We Met.

Or just don't speak at all. Because some people find the mute Shah Rukh Khan from Koyla more inspiring. In this case, the adjective that's going to grace your bitch label is going to be none other than--arrogant.

Do hell with your introverted nature or your reservations in life. You either talk or gracefully accept the 'arrogant b***h' label. Because you're also a helpless bitch in this case--in every case, actually.

When Amitabh Bachchan said, "no means no" in Pink, he probably forgot to add that saying no also makes you a bitch. But that really shouldn't discourage you from saying no to people any way and doing what you want.

You want to know the only time you shouldn't say no? It's when they offer you the title of a rigid bitch. Accept it with open arms, girls.

If the above three steps don't secure the title of a "bitch" for you, then this is a sure-short way to seal the deal: Start doing things "like a man". Sit like a man with your legs wide open, be a loud-mouth like a man, cuss like a man, laugh out loud like a man, make the first move like a man does, drink like a man, party with the guys like a man, burp like a man.

Ideally, in this situation, you should be called a dog since you're following the male protocol here. But bitches, rejoice! For a change it's not about men, this time. And now, be a thankful b***h. Get it?

Also read: This is what traditional weddings seem like to a not-so-sanskari girl.