Watching make-up tutorials ruined my self-esteem

I don't remember exactly when I got hooked to watching make-up videos on YouTube. Maybe it happened back when I was in college and had free WiFi at my disposal. My boredom urged me to kill time by browsing through make-up tutorials. A habit I became pretty obsessed with.

Unfortunately, over the years it got only worse. I would spend hours watching vloggers like Michelle Phan, Lisa Eldridge, and Zoella flawlessly applying make-up to their already flawless face. I was naive enough to think that I could replicate them by using their favourite products. Which I spend a bomb on, by the way.

But, when reality hit, it did some serious damage to my self esteem. It makes me gag with laughter, when I remember how I used to spend hours in front of the mirror, copying their every move. But, what looked beautiful on them, made me look like the Joker from The Dark Knight. And that didn't make me very happy.

In fact, it made me despise my skin, my small eyes, my very thin lips, and puffy cheeks. After all, I was spending every living minute obsessing over the looks of these famous beauty gurus. And most of them had chiselled jawline and full lips that didn't need much work anyway.

Also read: There is no place for eye shadow in my life. Yes, I have hooded eyelids and this is my story

But, since they were making money-selling dreams of achievable beauty to impressionable viewers like me, they made videos telling thin-lipped girls on how to get a pout like theirs. A travesty because none of them had lips like mine. And yet, I believed I could make my lips like theirs if I used the tricks and in-house make-up products suggested by them.

Needless to say, when it didn't happen it broke my heart. Instead of realizing that make-up looks different on every person, I began to criticize myself more than it was necessary. To the extent that I even stopped trying to look pretty.

In my head, beauty was only what these vloggers represented. Anything apart from that was not worth flaunting. So, that phase of my life became all about hiding myself in loose hoodies and letting my unkempt hair fall on my face. All I wanted to do was hide my not-so-beautiful facial features.

I hate to say this, but it took me years to understand that what you see on camera is not the hard truth. You don't get to see the fine lines, the pesky pimples, and the blemishes under those layers of foundation. Not to mention, some excellent camera work.

But, cut to the chase--now that I know, I see myself in a different light. The natural one. I have begun to accept the way I look and have come up with make-up hacks of my own that compliment my face. And as far as YouTube is concerned, it's definitely not on my priority list these days.  

Also read: Boys, some of us love our winged liners and smokey eyes. So stop with the make-up shaming