What it feels like to be the girl who just can't take compliments

Have you ever been to one of those Holi parties where you are just out there having fun with friends and family and dancing to the tunes of Rang Barse? If yes, then I am pretty sure you must know the feeling when suddenly out of nowhere a multi-coloured ghostly stranger decides to add bhang to your rang by throwing a water balloon at you.

It doesn't exactly hurt, it doesn't even intimidate you. It just takes you by surprise, and for a second you don't know how to react.

This is the exact same feeling I get every time someone gives me a compliment.

No, I am not socially awkward or lack confidence in life. On the contrary, I am very talkative and an extrovert. But, every time someone decides to throw compliments my way, I turn into a Sooraj Barjatya heroine.

The worst part is that I don't even feel shy like them--I am just awkward. As awkward as Aditya Chopra in front of the camera.

When someone comes up to me and says, "you look pretty", the first reaction in my head is "when do I not?", but I modestly conceal it with a smile, not knowing how to respond. No, I am not overconfident or arrogant. Everyone knows their worth and capabilities in life.

And that smile is also for the times when I know that the compliment was genuine and not just a part of the muah-muah, wannabe social-butterfly culture.

After those initial honeyed words are said out loud to me, there are two possibilities: either the person moves on post my reaction or he/she decides to act like a clingy girlfriend with my eyes, lips, cheekbone, eye shadow, eye crystals, hands, clothes, shoes, nails, ears, and ear wax on their compliment-radar next.

In fact, the more inquisitive cases even jump on to my underwear. No, I am no spider-woman and I very much wear the undies inside. But, trust me, such people have an in-built X-Ray machine in their eyes. Such people only add to my awkwardness.

In my case, the gender of the complimenting party also makes a huge difference. If it's a girl, my inner voice says, "what does she want from me?" If it's a guy, my inner voice says, "what does he want from me?" Now these may sound the same to you, but they two very different connotations to them. You get the point, right?

Unlike most people, I don't even respond to "I love your hair" with things like "I grew it myself". My fake smile is my only shield here, you see. Maybe because confidence isn't the deal-breaker here, trust-issues are.