Hi, I am a woman with penis envy. It's nice to meet you

Before you tell me that I suffer from a gender-identity crisis let me stop you right there. Photo: Shutterstock/ IndiaPicture

I am not the jealous sorts. I don't go green with envy when I see pictures of my colleagues--clicked at some of the most scenic locales in the world. Nor do I seethe with jealousy when I see my roommate having the time of her life with her boyfriend, while I sit on the couch, alone, flipping through channels on television.

There is, however, something that I envy very much.

Penises.

I know you're thinking it's quite an odd thing to be jealous of. But, it's not as rare as you think. Let me explain.

The term 'penis envy' was coined by Sigmund Freud. Yes, that kooky guy who explored the realms of the unconscious mind.

Penis envy is anxiety pertaining from not having a penis. According to Freud, penis envy afflicts young girls the most.  I am not a young girl. I am a grown woman; yet it bothers me that I don't have a d**k!

Before you tell me that I suffer from a gender-identity crisis let me stop you right there. I don't! I am well aware of my lady parts, and I don't go around dressed like a man, trying to camouflage my sexuality.

I envy the male member because it's not just a regular Joe body part that helps men relieve themselves in a lot of ways. It signifies male supremacy.

Hate me as much as you want or call me sexist for saying that men are powerful just because their reproductive organs are different than ours. But it's true, and you know it.

I am terribly envious of wankers who have an outie instead of an innie. Photo: Shutterstock/ IndiaPicture

Think about it: if a man eve-teases you and you complain to the police, what do you get to hear in return?

"Madam wo ladke hai, aap itni raat mein chote kapde pehan kar mat nikla karo".

Am I right or am I right?

Men will be men, as it is often said. They have a free-pass to get away with vile things, mainly because we as a society have accepted their flaws, as they make up for all that they lack in the form of a penis.

Ever since I was a kid, I saw male children in my family being bestowed with freedom, the liberty to do whatever they wanted to, and forgiveness--luxuries that the female lot were not afforded.

By the time I turned 12, I realized the preference given to the boys in my family, had a lot to do with their anatomy. Penis for the win, you see.

And since no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't conjure a d**k, there was no end to my disappointment. Soon, the disappointment made way for anger, which then transformed into good ol' envy, penis envy.

Coming back to my present, adult self, things haven't changed one bit-as you can see in the newspaper headlines every since day.

I hate being told not to step out of the house after it gets dark because some men can't keep it in their pants. I get furious when molesters and rapists are let off easily and the woman is blamed just because she has a vagina.  

Also read: In a case of absurd justice, Idaho judge sentences man convicted of rape to abstain from sex until marriage

So yes, I am terribly envious of wankers who have an outie instead of an innie, and thus can get away with absolutely anything!

I am terribly envious because there is not much anyone can do about it. Because penis is God's gift to men; and if I want one then I ought to be thoroughly confused about my identity and must be willing to spend butt loads on money gender reassignment surgery.

Because penises are naturally something to be proud of, while vaginas are just a vessel of shame.