I'm a lesbian woman, and I'm effin' tired of hearing these stupid things

Maybe, people will someday stop asking me stupid questions. Photo: Shutterstock/IndiaPicture

It's tough being gay. And I'm not even getting into the politics of things, or the fact that I live in India where section 377 still exists. I don't even want to talk about the fact that my dating pool is tinier than that bucket of water in my bathroom. *Sobbing internally*

The toughest thing about being a gay woman is the kind of insensitive queries people around me have. I mean I do understand the curiosity, of course I do; but why not Google things? So dear straight people--can you please, for the love of God or Modi--stop with these stupid-a** statements! 

But, You Don't Look Gay

I'm sorry, sometimes I just forget that I should be wearing the rainbow flag at all times. Like a cape, the flag should fly, high, into oblivion. NO. No one is supposed to look a certain a way. I look like a human being--PERIOD!

So, Do You Wanna Have A Threesome?
I swear, if I hear this question one more time on Tinder or in real life, I'll probably shoot someone. What is with men and their obsession about two women in bed? I mean, yes, that shit is hot, but if we were actually interested in inviting a man into our bedroom, we would. There wouldn't have been any questions asked.

Remember when Ross in FRIENDS tried to have sex with his ex-wife Carol and her lover Susan? Remember how that turned out to be?

Who's The Man In The Relationship?
The last time I checked, both of us were women. I mean, there is a reason why I'm a lesbian, right? RIGHT.

How Do You Even Have Sex?
We play Tegan and Sara out loud, cuddle with our respective cats, and chant like witches! How does it even matter how two people have sex? Sex doesn't necessarily mean penis, you know? There are other ways.

And guess what? A recent study had found that straight women are less likely to orgasm during sex compared to members of other demographic groups. So whatever two women are doing in the bedroom, they are probably doing it right!

Also read: Straight women enjoy fewer orgasms, claims study. Men, are you listening?

Why Do You Hate Men?
Ugh. I don't hate men. I just don't sleep with them. As a matter of fact my best friend is a guy. Yes, it's a guy. Also I don't need to be a lesbian to hate men, there are other reasons anyway!

How Do You Know You're a Lesbian If You've Never Slept With a Guy?
Simple, because I'm not sexually attracted to people of the opposite sex. I know it the same way I know that I wouldn't like eating fried butterflies. Also, how do you know you're not gay unless you've slept with someone of the same gender?

Do You Get Turned On By Looking At Yourself?

This has to be the most ridiculous thing I have heard in my entire life. Of course I get distracted, that's why it took me so long to write this article, you see?

If only there was a lesbian-fairy godmother who could just flick her wand and make these stupid people disappear. But for now, I will just try not to kill people. Wish me luck!