"On most days, I feel like a complicated safety vault." 6 girls share what it's like to live alone in India

If you think living alone is about embracing independence-think again.

Sarwat Fatima Sarwat Fatima
जनवरी 23, 2017
It's better to be safe than sorry, agree single-in-the-city girls. Photo courtesy: SonyMusicIndia

"Akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai," said a railway official to Kareena Kapoor in the film Jab We Met. Filled with sexist innuendos, this dialogue caused quite an uproar.

But, no matter how blatantly we dis this derogatory line of thought, there's no denying that some men take it as the gospel of truth. Since society tells us our safety is in our hands, us women folk have no choice but to get our armours up.

For those of us, who live away from our families and hometown, the situation gets even riskier. After all, there's no one to turn to when the hour of need strikes. And it's better to be safe than sorry, agree single-in-the-city girls.

***

"I would much rather be inconvenienced, than be unsafe," says Apoorva Goel.*

Apoorva works in the media industry and is bound by its inconsistent work timings. One day, while returning home, she realized that she was being followed.

Hastily, she changed her route in an attempt to confuse the stalker. Thankfully, she reached home safe. However, the next day the same thing happened.

Only this time he tried to initiate contact. Taken aback by the turn of events, Apoorva fled. "I didn't know what to do. I was very scared. This kept happening for the next few days and I was terrified that he would find out where I lived," said Apoorva.

"I was very disturbed and my boss noticed. After I told her everything, she arranged for an office cab to drop me home," she continued.

Surprised that something like this could happen to her, she now takes extra precautions to avoid such circumstances.

"I don't go out to buy groceries. In fact, I order things online. Also, I don't let my flatmate lock the door from outside. I am ready to get up at five in the morning to open it for her, but I feel safer bolting it from inside. On most days, I feel less like a girl and more like a complicated safety vault," concludes Apoorva.

Also read: If mobs molest, they can save you too. How herd mentality can rescue you from a vulnerable situation

***

Deepika Mathur* lives alone in Delhi. And let's admit it: it's not one of the safest places to live in. So naturally, she has had her fair share of harrowing experiences, since moving to the city.

"One day while walking back home, I saw a man coming towards me. Before I could react--he groped me and fled," recounts Deepika.

However, it is the state of shoe-string budget rented accommodations that worries Deepika, who lives in barsaati.

"The front door has no peepholes. Imagine opening the door to a stranger in the middle of the night," she exclaims.

So, what does she do to prevent mishaps?

What do you do when you have ordered food? Photo courtesy: YouTube/ NetflixIndia What do you do when you have ordered food? Photo courtesy: YouTube/ NetflixIndia

"I don't open the door unless I know who it is. I have asked all my friends to give me a call before coming so that I am in the know. Also, as soon as I hear someone knocking, I enquire who they are. Unless I am satisfied, I don't open the door."

But locking yourself in-and strangers out-isn't always the answer. For instance, what do you do when you have ordered food?

Ananya Bhattacharya has the perfect solution to this fix.

"You can never trust the person who delivers your order and it is totally unsafe to open your door for them. So instead of letting them come inside, I go to the main gate to collect my order," says Ananya.

That's one way to avert stranger danger!

***

Most incidents of harassment and molestation happen on the go, making commuting a daunting task for women-especially those who rely on public transport.

A couple of years ago, Samrudhi Ghosh was heading back home after attending her college fest. It was 10 at night when she boarded the metro. Living Kolkata had been a pleasant experience for her, so far. However, five minutes into the ride, she realized that a man was leering at her.

"I ignored it at first. However, he kept staring. The man had the audacity to walk up to me and stand next to me. I had no choice but to move. But, he was persistent. After I de-boarded the metro, I saw him waiting for me. I tried walking fast but he was following me. I had to run to the police and ask for help. The security had to escort me home," says Samrudhi.

Now, she avoids public transport as much as possible, and takes cabs instead. But they are not very safe either.

"I share my trip details with a friend before getting in a cab. And this friend of mine keeps tracking it," she says.

***

Sure, living alone signifies embracing independence and grown-up responsibilities. But it also comes at the risk of being locked out of your home-especially when mum's not waiting up for you to open the door after a late night.

For Nupur Gusain, a late-night shift ended with calling the police because her neighbours were non-cooperative.

"My shift ended at midnight, and I reached home at 1 a.m., only to realize that the main gate was locked. Since I had no option, I called out to my neighbours," says Nupur.

One would imagine someone would let the poor girl enter her own home, but it was a long wait for Nupur.

Living alone signifies embracing independence and grown-up responsibilities. Photo: Shutterstock/ IndiaPicture Living alone signifies embracing independence and grown-up responsibilities. Photo: Shutterstock/ IndiaPicture

"I kept waiting for 45 minutes, but no one came down to open the gate. By then it was 2in the morning. They kept yelling from their balcony that I should not come home so late. And when I do, I should learn to fend for myself. Ultimately, I had to call the cops, who got the door opened for me," she says.

To avoid such incidents in the future, Nupur got an interlock installed at the gate the very next day.

Also read: 4 pieces of practical advice that can keep you safe in a world of misogynist men

***

When you are new to a city and are not familiar with the routes, you can end up feeling helpless and at the mercy of strange cab and auto drivers.

Well, Anvita Singh refuses to let that happen.

"I am geographically challenged and don't know half of the roads in the city. So, I keep my GPS on. I get to know whether the driver is taking the right route or not," she says.

But Internet, much like the sense of safety in India, can be fleeting. So what is a girl without 3G to do?

When you are new to a city and are not familiar with the routes, you can end up feeling helpless. Photo: Shutterstock/ IndiaPicture When you are new to a city and are not familiar with the routes, you can end up feeling helpless. Photo: Shutterstock/ IndiaPicture

"When I am sans Internet, I pretend I am on a call. Yes, it's the oldest trick in the book, but it makes me feel safe. The driver knows that I am talking to someone and would raise an alarm in case he does anything funny."

Well, like they say: old is gold.

While each one of us have a plan in place to ensure our safety--nothing is foolproof. However, we just can't leave things to their own device.

You never know--the tips suggested by these women can help you get out of a tricky situation someday.

(*Names have been changed)

 

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