4 Indian wedding rituals that are mind-blowingly sexist

Indian weddings stink of sexism and patriarchy. Photo Courtesy: YouTube

It began when I attended a big fat Indian wedding for the first time in my life. The elaborately decorated wedding venue and the absolutely ethereal bride moved me to such a great extent that I almost wanted to throw the bride out of the mandap and sit there myself. That's probably how much I was smitten by all the glitz and grandeur of the bridal finery and by the idea of having your own prince charming in life.

So yes, bachpan se hi mujhe shadi karne ka bada craze tha, by God. But little did I know that the Indian version of my Barbie-like fairytale stank of patriarchy and sexism. So much so, that in less than 20 years it has managed to shatter my faith in weddings--not in the institution but in the customs.

Here are 4 such sexist customs that'll make you feel the same way:

Kanyadaan

You know the much-awaited ritual of a father happily/sadly "gifting a maiden" away to his new-found damaad? Every time I witness this tradition at a wedding, I am left teary eyed just like the over-emotional relatives of the bride. No, it's not because I get senti about her going to her piya ka ghar, but the custom itself is so obnoxiously sexist that it makes me want to cry.

Kashi Yatra

One of the practices that really make me sick to my stomach is the South-Indian 'fun-filled' ritual of Kashi Yatra. In the middle of the wedding celebrations, Mr. Groom, changes his mind about getting married and decides to give up the worldly pleasures in order to study religion and spirituality deeply.

Just when he is set to unintentionally spare his to-be wife the horror of being with a sexist man for the rest of her life, the bride's father decides to be the deal breaker. Daddy dear pleads with the groom and convinces him to marry his phool si daughter.

Changing Names

As it is, it's the woman, who in most cases leaves her whole family behind to start a new life in her husband's house while the husband enjoys the luxury of living with his parents even after marriage. But our patriarchal society doesn't get satisfied so easily with this sacrifice that women make. So, not only do they make sure she leaves her family behind, but they also make sure that her identity is in jeopardy.

In many North Indian weddings, apart from taking their husband's last name, brides are given a new first name too. Wait! There's more. That name is decided according to the groom's astrological chart. Frustrating, right?

Mangalsutra Etc.

It's funny how on the day of the wedding itself, the husband marks his territory by making the bride wear a mangalsutra and putting sindoor on her forehead. Because watching the poor bride walking around in a hundred kilo lehenga on the D-day and managing a ten-kilo set of bright red bangles for the next month or so doesn't satisfy him.

Also because while the woman needs to look like she is married and taken now, the man can get away with not having to wear/carry anything that signifies he's married. Basically, he can be a khula saand all his life.

Also read: Thanks to my mother, I feel like I was born and raised to just get married.