Dear Punjabi men, here are 5 things that definitely won't get you a girlfriend

 

Ladies, I have a question for you. How many times have you heard "meri gaadi me baith ja, kudiye" when you are walking on the streets? If you said countless number of times, then don't worry we have all been there. After all, living in north India comes with its own baggage. No, not the weather--Punjabi men.

Yes, the same ones who drive posh cars, play loud music, lech at women in the hopes of pataoing them. Because the way to a girl's heart is through creepy ways, right? At least that's what Punjabi men seem to believe in. After all, their guru Honey Singh teaches them the same through his songs. So much swag, we tell you.

However, after much irritation and annoyance, we have finally decided to write a letter to these men.

Dear Punjabi men,

We understand you desperately want a girl to like you. After all, who doesn't want to bask in the glory of love. But remember NOT to do these five things that will neither get you laid or help you settle in a relationship. The one thing these tactics will do, however, is creep all the girls out.

Rolling Down Your Car Windows To "Compliment Us"
We understand your love for your car. After all, your Jaguars and Mercedes that you have been gifted by your dads must be priceless. And we also understand the habit to roll down your windows, your love for the world outside your expensive metal boxes knows no bounds.

But, can you not try to "compliment" us girls? Confused by the double quotes, are you? Well, telling a random girl she's a "proper patola" doesn't really make her feel nice about herself. You see, she was minding her own business when she was walking on the road, probably tired from slogging all day at her college or office.

Your "compliment" will only irritate her, instead of making her fall in love with you. Just saying.

Whistling While Riding Past Girls On The Noisiest Bikes in The History Of Bikes--Bullets
To tell you the truth, girls may love bike rides; but by scaring the beejesus out of them with your "fattt fattt" isn't going to get you anywhere. To be honest, it just leads to noise pollution and makes you seem like an arrogant a**hole. And we are just being polite.

Yes, it might be really difficult to resist making that noise, we completely understand. But, tell us how many times has a girl shown interest in you because you were creating ruckus on the road with that God awful sound? Yep, zero times!

Also, as we are on this topic, wear a helmet. At least it will show the girl that you care about safety.

Playing Honey Singh Out Loud And Pumping Up The Volume When You See Us
Honey Singh is like your God, isn't he? You believe in him and his music. Completely understood. After all, that what hip-hop is and he thinks he'll get a Grammy, right? Go right ahead. Play his songs, make a shrine out of his pictures and everything related to him. Go ahead and sit in front of his house.

But can you please, for his sake, not pump up the volume when you pass a girl on the street? No, it doesn't matter if you think "chhoti dress me wo hot lagti hai". Play it inside your expensive car, dance on your seats, make your friends dance and rap to it, we aren't interested in knowing how powerful your woofer speakers are. I shapath.

Coming Up To Random Girls To Talk About Your New Car

Some girls dig fancy cars, I agree. You know what they are not interested in? A random guy coming up to them to explain how costly his car is, and how the leather seats will make them feel like queens. We are queens anyway. Your car can't do jacksh*t about that. Also, sorry to burst your bubble--it doesn't impress us at all.

You want to gush about your car? Let us tell you the best away to do that--Facebook. Click pictures of it and tag all your friends on it and have a discussion on it. Do you know there are also online forums for it? Use them.

Sending Creepy Messages To Women On Facebook
Now that we are talking about Facebook, let us tell you what doesn't work--sending random girls "hi". Or even sending them d*ck pics. Nope, no one wants to see that. You love your male organ? Awesome. Good For You. Keep women out of it, please.

Also, no one got a girlfriend or a female friend for that matter, with a message that read: "I wanna make fraansheep with you." You know why? Because you will just get blocked. Do you want that? We didn't think so.

Although, we don't guarantee that avoiding these five things can help you get a girl, but you'll stop being a nuisance for sure. And not to forget, you won't go behind bars for being an eve-teaser too. It's a win-win situation, we tell you.

Yours Truly (not really),

All women everywhere.