Be yourself: Bhagyashree

She took everyone by surprise when she decided to quit acting just after the mega success of her first film. She chose to get married and play the real-life role of the traditional bahu. Today, 25 years later she advises GH readers: 'Marriage is not an easy ride but never forget the reason you got married in the first place. And remember to take a stand when you need to.'

As I make myself comfortable in the living room of Bhagyashree's minimalistic Juhu home in Mumbai, my attention is drawn to a collage of pictures - each photo has the former actor in a different life role, daughter, wife, mother and daughter-in-law. Just when the overwhelming image of "Suman" of Maine Pyaar Kiya (her first film in 1989, a mega hit) is fading, she enters with a perky - 'Are we all set?' - and the youthful tenor in her voice instantly brings alive the much-loved leading lady of the 80s blockbuster. Dressed in a white shirt and jeans and looking much younger than her 40+ years, she flashes her brilliant trademark smile and we get started on the shoot. Afterwards, we settle down to chat in the spacious lounge area - well turned out with niche lighting and an in-house bar.

Bhagyashree with father

A Defiant Traditionalist
When Bhagyashree gave up her career tomarry at the age of 19, she took all by surprise. 'I always knew that once I get married, my husband and children will take precedence over everything else - if society considers that to be regressive, so be it!' she says emphatically. Remembered till date for her portrayal of the demure, traditional and much-in-love Suman in MPK, Bhagyashree declares she is like that in real-life too. 'I come from the conservative royal family of Sangli in Maharashtra and I am the oldest of three sisters. In our family, the women are expected to get married and have children at a particular age'. But she was sent to a convent school and 'never really had to speak in chaste Hindi before Maine Pyar Kiya'. Today, her Hindi is perfect, primarily for having married into a Hindi-speaking Marwari Jain family. A blend of the modern and the traditional, she chooses to use a mix of both languages for the interview. Her first chance stint in front of the camera, was in Kachchi Dhoop, a TV series directed by Amol Palekar, way back in 1987. An adaption of Little Women by Louisa May Alcott, it was the story of four sisters. 'One of the girls doing the show suddenly eloped with her boyfriend and was untraceable. Amol uncle was my neighbour and he came in very late one night in a distraught state - he was in a fix and wanted me to play the role of the eldest sister.' Bhagyashree wasn't ready. She recalls: 'Back then, I suffered from terrible stage fright; being in front of the camera was out of question!' However, Amol Palekar didn't give up - he finally managed to convince her and she went ahead to do the show and received critical acclaim for it. That was that, or so she thought. She had her life's plans laid out - she wanted to study for an MBA degree.

'My family had known the Barjatyas (A well known film family) for a long time. When Sooraj (the Barjatya son who directed MKP), who is only a little older than I am, came home to "propose" the role, it was almost like an arranged marriage scenario - he came with his parents!' After several rounds of meetings and eight script changes later, Bhagyashree signed on the dotted line. 'Every time he came back with a script, I used to tell him - "Sab kuch theek hai, but I don't like this particular part" - the disagreement would mostly stem from my discomfort in doing an intimate scene.' The film, co-starring Salman Khan, went on to become the biggest hit of the decade. Recalls Bhagyashree, 'We shot the film for about a year - by the end of which we were one happy family! And Salman Khan will always be special to me because he was my first co-star.'

Bhagyashree with husband and son

Falling In Love
Her face lights up as she talks about her husband Himalaya. 'We fell in love in school much to the shock of our parents,' she says. She was only 17 when they started dating, - 'I even broke up with him to gauge if my love was strong enough before I took the plunge!' she shares. Then Himalaya went to the US and Bhagyashree began to miss him sorely. 'I told my parents this is the man

I will marry, now it's up to you!' They got married a few months after Bhagyashree's 19th birthday. This was during the making of MPK and a mehendi sequence of the film coincided with her real mehendi! 'It was almost like having two weddings,' she says, laughing!

Bhagyashree has not allowed age to creep up

Marriage Over Career
Having tied the knot, Bhagyashree decided not to take up any project. Ironically she received the best film offers during that time (including the lead role for the 1991 hit Heena starring Rishi Kapoor - the role later went to Zeba Bakhtiyar). 'My husband has always been encouraging, he wanted me to do whatever made me happy but at that time it just felt right to give more importance to my marriage.' Then came the famous interview where she said that she will "only" do films with her husband. She explains - 'A journalist asked me if I will do a film with Himalaya to which I said, "Yes, I would love to do a film with him." He then asked me with whom I would be comfortable doing intimate scenes - to which I again replied - "my husband" - so two plus two became five and it was all blown out of proportion'. Why didn't she clarify this back then? 'I was young and in-love, I didn't feel the need.' She adds, 'Sometimes I do regret the fact that I did not give my career importance - but this is a fleeting thought. I gave love priority and I still stand by my decision.' People however, felt it was a foolish move. She recalls the late director Yash Chopra speaking to her. 'He told me - "you are such a bewakoof (silly) girl. The entire world was at your feet and then you went ahead and got married!"'

Being Married
Bhagyashree says "Himalaya ji" (yes she addreses him like this - she is not apologetic and says it is out of a sense of a respect) is the best thing to have happened to her (Himalaya tried his luck at acting many years back but is now a successful entrepreneur.) 'A lot of people would say that I got married too early - however at that time, it felt like the right thing to do.' Would she encourage her daughter Avantika - who is 19 now - to get married now if she so wished? 'Of course not!' she exclaims admitting that though she was happy, she could never really enjoy her youth and was a mother at 21. However, she is quick to add that women should get married in their mid to late 20s. 'As you enter your 30s - you become set in your ways and it might be difficult for you to adjust,' she says.

Bhagyashree with her extended family

The Balancing Act
One can't miss the visible camaraderie the bahu shares with her in-laws, who were keenly watching the shoot. 'For me it was all the more difficult. I didn't want people to think, "Ye to superstar hai... even if she does not get along well with her in-laws, what difference will it make?' Initial hiccups? 'Oh, there were so many - for starters I am a Maharashtrian married to a Marwari - the cultures are as different as chalk and cheese. I used to have a lot of non-veg but they (her in-laws) follow the no onion, no garlic way of living. I gave it up for a few days, but then Himalaya ji suggested I restrict myself to veg food only in the house to respect their sentiments - it was enough to keep me happy.' The first year was the toughest - as a new bride she had to wear a ghoonghat with all the finery. 'I remember once I sneaked out of the house wearing jeans to appear for an exam - how could one go to college in a sari!' she laughs. She passed all tests including the ones at home - whether it was the tough Marwari upvaas (fasts) or being decked up in a sari all day - she managed it all. And she maintains it wasn't as difficult as it may sound .'My in-laws, though conservative are warm and loving. I did my own thing too and this is the way it should be - sometimes you have to take tradition and re-shape it your own way,' she says.

Bhagyashree, stunning as ever

Sticking Through It All
Bhagyashree and Himalaya recently celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary. 'It is normal to have disagreements and insecurities - but don't forget the reason you got married in the first place.' Bhagyashree has balanced out her life perfectly - at home she is the good bahu - and outside, the funloving, free-spirited wife. So what is a dealbreaker in a marriage? 'For me that would be infidelity - come what may, I would not accept that.'

Being A Mother
Her son Abhimanyu is 24 and her daughter Avantika, 19. The five-year difference between the siblings was a conscious decision for Bhagyashree. 'I was under a fair amount of pressure after Abhimanyu was born - "Have another child and your family will be complete."' This is when she decided to get her "life together" before she could bring another life into the world. 'I pushed everyone out of my personal space! I lost weight to fit into my slimmest jeans, cut my hair short and took my husband on seven holidays in one year - it's only when I felt "normal" again, I decided to have another baby - sometimes it's important to create your own space, especially when things begin to bog you down,' she says.

Son Abhimanyu, saunters in and out of the room during the shoot to chat with his father who was looking on. He is is a tall and good-looking man. 'He takes pride in the fact that he has a young and pretty mother!' says Bhagyashree. There is speculation about Abhimanyu entering the industry, but the protective mother puts her guard up - 'It's too early to talk about it… He needs to be prepared, it' s a competitive world out there.' Avantika meanwhile is studying Business Management in London. 'It was a tough decision to let her go… I still haven't cut the umbilical cord with her but you have to let go - it's the only way the children will grow and learn. I don't believe in the new-age concept of "being friends" with one's child though - they will make enough friends on their own. They need parents to tell them the difference between right and wrong. Also let them fly but know when to pull back the string when needed.'

Bhagyashree believes in personal freedom

Making A Comeback
She has recently returned to acting, albeit on the small screen with the series Laut Aao Trisha. It was her daughter Avantika who coaxed her to take up the offer. The serial revolves around a mother looking for her daughter who has gone missing. 'With my children grown up and everything else being taken care of, I had a lot of time on my hands, so I thought - "why not".' On this note, Himalaya is quick to add, 'No, nothing is taken care of - you are the only one making our lives worthwhile!' - no wonder then that home is her favourite place.

Family Diary
The family loves to travel and take off on multiple vacations in a year. 'We love Europe and closer home, Kashmir is a favourite. We don't like to stay in hotels - we prefer to rent a bungalow - where we cook, play and do everything together,' she says. When at home, Bhagyashree enjoys cooking "fancy food" - Chinese or Manchurian dishes. She also enjoys refreshing her house décor every now and then - changing the sofa sets and the upholstery. She loves gardening too - the house is strewn with several pots of greenery.