70 years since independence, but I'm still a criminal

My sexuality isn't the shackle binding me, but my country's law is. Photo: Shutterstock/IndiaPitures

Seventy years ago, our nation had a tryst with destiny. As the rest of the world slept, our first Prime Minister Jawaharlal Nehru proclaimed, "We have to build the noble mansion of free India where all her children may dwell." We were finally free after centuries of tyrant British rule and we were promised an India that would treat all its children equally. Are all children equal? Not really.

I'm not talking about the complexities of caste or religion, I'm talking about my sexuality. Yes, I'm gay and you know what? I'm considered a criminal in the very country that I was born in. The apex court of my country calls me a minuscule minority and limits my rights.

So, am I free? Not really. And it isn't my sexuality that shackles me, it's the law of my country. For most people, freedom means the right to be who they are without any fear. For me, freedom comes with terms and conditions and fear for imprisonment. Because Section 377 still exists.

I'm no different from any other citizen of my country. I pay taxes, stand hours in line to exercise my right to vote for the person I think represents my interest best, and travel in public transport just like you. Hell, if you were ever to pass me by in a local market, you'll find me haggling for onion prices with the vegetable seller. All in all, you will not notice anything out of the ordinary that identifies me as a lesser citizen of this country.

But what do I have in return?

I Do Not Have The Right To Love The Person I Want To Love

Yes, Section 377 doesn't criminalize me for my sexuality. It does something worse than that. It criminalizes the love I have for my partner. The partner I chose for myself, the partner I feel would make me happy, and who actually does so.

While my heterosexual friends can actually label their relationships, enjoy the rights that the label presents them, I on the other hand have to live with the label of being a criminal.

The Fear Of Discrimination That Never Leaves

Photo: Shutterstock/IndiaPictures

I came out of the closet pretty late in life. But since then, I have been very vocal about who I am. Truth be told, I actually wear my sexuality on my sleeves. But that does leave me vulnerable to discrimination and harassment.

Be it on the metro because of my short hair and choice of clothes or at workplace, discrimination on the basis of sexuality is my everyday reality. Yes, I do shout slogans at Pride marches that I'm never going back in the closet. But, the fact is the Supreme Court's 2013 ruling did shove us all "out and proud" people back in.

I Have To Be Wary Of Prying Eyes At All Times

You can call me paranoid as much as you want. But you can't deny the fact that my fear is real. Why? Because people have been arrested under Section 377. In fact, according to the report by National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB), police arrested 1,491 people under this draconian section 377 in 2015.

If you think only gay men are arrested, you are wrong. Out of those arrested, 16 were women. Be it on the streets or in the constraints of my bedroom, I always have to look out for myself and my partner.

The thing about Section 377 is that it instills a fear in your mind. And it starts very subtly. Say I'm travelling in an auto with my partner and I want to hold her hand. Despite the fact that friends hold hands too, I still remain scared that the autowallah will somehow sense that we are lovers and will harass us. In worst case scenario, I fear that he will take us to a police station. Or when I'm sitting with her in her balcony and I fear that her neighbours will somehow get offended by our proximity and call the cops on us.

Remember those lines by Rabindranath Tagore when he explained the true meaning of freedom? It starts with "Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high." Sadly, neither my mind is without fear, nor I can hold my head high. And nothing will change till the time the government recognizes me and many like me as equal citizens, deserving the same rights.

I will continue to be myself, of course, because no matter what Baba Ramdev says--homosexuality can't be cured. There is nothing to cure since there is nothing wrong. And you know what is the funniest part? I can't even take a byline for this article--owing to the very fear I just wrote about.

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